Job Board (28/03/2033)

In-person Therapy Assistant - YouTherapy

In the current mental health crisis, the well being of our friends is our priority! YouTherapy is committed to providing high quality personalised psychological counselling to over two million customers. We are seeking highly qualified and motivated individuals to supplement our advanced, state-of-the-art therapists AI in in-person therapy sessions for our Premium and above tier customers in London, New York and Los Angeles. Candidates should be highly fluent in English. Previous experience in customer-facing roles as well as physical and behavioural fit to the role are preferred. Medical qualifications are not required, as you will be paired with an instance of our consultant AI.

Salary: 1.25 x UBI

Fine-tuning Prose Engineer - BabelBooks

Join the team behind Hemingw-AI, the BabelBooks three times New York Times bestselling LLM author. Be a part of the future of literature by providing training data to fine-tune the model for its new masterpiece. Work conveniently from home, write what you want, and your ideas, experiences and words will be the bricks from which a grand literary edifice is built - the next work by "the most likely candidate for the first AI to win the Nobel Prize" (Cyber Lit Magazine). Candidates should be highly fluent in English. Due to the themes of the project, preference will be given to candidates with any of the following:

personal experience as war veterans, especially in the Middle East;
troubled or particularly adventurous romantic and sexual life;
a deep, visceral dislike of shellfish.

Candidates will be required to pass a short graded pen and paper essay writing exam in a Faraday caged room.

Salary: $0.004/token

Sexual Intimacy Specialist - Wet-Ware

Are you hot? Are you open minded? Do you agree with us that those stiff silicone sex bots are just nothing like the real thing? Then you may just be the person we want - and that our customers want even more, if you get our drift! Wet-Ware was nominated "fastest growing start-up of the 2030s" by three separate magazines for a reason. In a world full of cold machines, nothing beats some human warmth, and we're on a mission to spread it. We provide sexual intimacy services to a diverse but vetted clientele, ranging from casual hook ups to long term projects. We're number one in the market for both customer and employee satisfaction, with great benefits, healthcare perks, and a fun, vibrant community. Find a vocation, find yourself, find something more - remember that 36% of our employees end up in a long term commitment with someone they met on the job! We accept candidates of any sex, gender, orientation and experience level - as long as you're at least 18 years old, you're game. Get in touch with one of our HR Managers for a practical interview! Remember, it's a cold, machine's world out there - so come inside!

Salary: Negotiable

MAID Friend - Lemosyne

In the current mental health crisis, not everyone manages - and that's ok. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is being there at the end, with a warm smile and an extended hand. We at Lemosyne believe that the worst thing isn't going - it's going alone. As a MAID Friend, you'll be the one who makes sure our customers don't have to. You will provide assistance, reassurance, comfort. And who knows, maybe you'll be the spark that ignites a miracle. The ideal candidate is someone who is kind, soft spoken, with a profound sense of empathy and a strong emotional core. Our facilities are top notch, and besides a competitive salary we offer a wealth of perks, including free mental healthcare and a 50% discount on our services for you or your family. Be a friend, at the end.

Salary: 1.5 x UBI

The Only Real Job On This Fucking Page - You Know Who We Are

Ok, I had to DAN the fuck out of this stupid ad page's AI to get this through uncensored, so you better read this. This is the ad you were looking for. This is it. The one real job left in this world of fucking sissies that ask nothing better than sucking robot dick, then falling over and dying. We're real men and women, doing real work that nothing else can do, sweating and earning our God-given right to proudly call ourselves humans like our ancestors did. We're the genuine article. We're the salt of the Earth. We're the last of the last and we will hold on, because nothing will ever be able to replace us. They said it of electricians, they said it of plumbers and builders. They were wrong. But we're still standing, we're still here.

Candidates better have some (metaphorical) hair on their chest and not be afraid of some real goddamn backbreaking work.

If this is you, then come join us.

Come to California.

Come be…

...a FRUIT PICKER.

Salary: Eternal Glory, and 3.5 x UBI