Quote: Or maybe we're playing a game in which the stag hunt matrix describes some sort of payouts that are not exactly utilities. E.g., we're in a psychology experiment and the experimenter has shown us a 2x2 table telling us how many dollars we will get in various cases -- but maybe I'm a billionaire and literally don't care whether I get $1 or $10 and figure I might as well try to maximize your payout, or maybe you're a perfect altruist and (in the absence of any knowledge about our financial situations) you just want to maximize the total take, or maybe I'm actually evil and want you to do as badly as possible.
So, if the other player is "always cooperate" or "always defect" or any other method of determining results that doesn't correspond to the payouts in the matrix shown to you, then you aren't playing "prisoner's dillema" because the utilities to player B are not dependent on what you do. In all these games, you should pick your strategy based on how you expect your counterparty to act, which might or might not include the "in game" incentives as influencers of their behavior.
It's a definitional thing. The definition of utility is "the thing people maximize." If you set up your 2x2 game to have utilities in the payout matrix, then by definition both actors will attempt to pick the box with the biggest number. If you set up your 2x2 game with direct payouts from the game that don't include phychic (eg "I just like picking the first option given") or reputational effects, then any concept of alignment is one of:
You seem to be muddling those two, and wondering "how much will people attempt to land on the same box, taking into account all factors, but only defining the boxes in terms of game payouts." The answer there is "you can't." Because people (and computer programs) have wonky screwed up utility functions (eg (spoiler alert) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_the_Year_(2006_film))